Steve Ballmer reviews the iPad

Redmon Pie pointed out the cute iPad review by Microsoft’s brash CEO himself, Steve Ballmer. Succinct as ever, he riddles the iPad with holes of its own making and adds the cleverest of quips. Look out for Microsoft’s big next best thing soon enough! YouTube, I love you.

Complete video text:

Hi.. Steve Ballmer from the Microsoft Corporation with an iPad review.. Are you kidding me.. this thing is an etch a sketch.. How many times you gonna be bent over from that yoghurt eating, sandal wearing guru? it’s ridiculous! He releases a tablet without multitasking? Wait till I flood the market with a thousand of these things.. It’s gonna have Windows 7.. Windows Mobile.. Azure.. the Cloud.. It’ll have everything! Try opening an app on this thing and listen to some music.. Back and forth.. Back and forth.. Back and forth! No multitasking.. No multitasking! Are you kidding me? How do you have this much real estate and I still have to hit “Shift” to type a number? It’s idiotic! No flash.. No Farmville.. No porn.. No sports.. Now I know why Steve calls it Safari.. because its a hunt to find a website that works on this thing.. What is it with him? I thought that him and Adobe were friends.. they go back a long time.. Is there anybody that this guy won’t try and screw? When is enough? I thought we were the bad guys.. Jesus! Can you pick a more close system? Talk about screwing developers.. Developers Developers Developers! These guys make the Google twin idiots look like geniuses. Scoble’s all happy he waited 22 hours in line to get one.. Christ that guy is an idiot! So glad I got rid of him.. How do you not put a camera in this thing? How am I supposed to see Martin on chat roulette? Steve Ballmer from the Microsoft Corporation with an iPad review.. This thing blows!!

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“That’s a good thing” – Ballmer on Windows’ shrinking market share

Microsoft-Logo

Add another check-mark to the growing list of Ballmer-boners remarks. 19 November, Microsoft’s CEO placated shareholder fears regarding dismal smartphone market share by blessing them with the knowledge that Windows has a 96% share, a number which not only flies in the face of web statistics, but is incorrect in both the world-wide as well as US markets. In 2008, Windows fell to less than 90% in the USA, but has seen a modest reprisal thanks to Windows 7, an OS that has advanced the software behemoth past its dark-age roots. Still, global figures show OSX alone with 5,26%, not to mention the smaller, but quickly growing markets for Linux and other alternative operating systems. Naturally, part of a CEO’s job is to tell flattering lies, but unless Microsoft cut market segments like Jobs’ cronies cut performance figures for new Macs, Ballmer has either: A. gone outside without a bonnet, or B. been asleep for the last 5 years. Still, TMA have to give it to Microsoft for surviving the tribulations of an aped CEO who can sleep off a 6% market share drop and call it a “good thing”.

[via Apple Insider]

Apple iPhone, Microsoft MyPhone – No ZunePhone?

Microsoft’s CEO, dancing Steve Ballmer mentioned back in September 2008, that the iPhone would fail in the next 5 years. It is not the only silly thing to come out of his mouth, but certainly one of his best hits. A cursory glance at his reasoning reveals the following issues that the iPhone faces:

  • Pricing – it is currently too expensive at 500$ (though I am quite sure you get them for under 300$ and in some cases 200$).
  • insupportable in emerging markets – India and China (emerging markets? China makes the market computer for Jobs’ sake!). According to Ballmer, the most popular phones in those countries cost 25$ to build. Now wait, are we talking about smartphones here or are we talking about phones now?

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